There is little to say about the budget that hasn't been said already in a better way by people that can articulate the facts in the best way possible.
What I can say, is that I feel 'The '85 Generation' are going to become the next crop of people that are raised for export like our cattle, as de Valera once put it.
It is absolute folly for the government to pay lip service about trying to create jobs for young people when the only option for thousands of skilled professionals is to leave the country and pursue opportunities elsewhere. Where is the sense in paying for 'free education' from Primary School through to Third Level College when the investment in developing young, skilled professionals only seems to lead to a lengthening of the dole queue or a decrease in the population?
The state is bankrupting itself to keep the country running during these tumultuous times, and for what? To keep the EU and the IMF happy?
Politicians always seem to say that they got into that line of work because they want to help 'the people'. Well, if they are so concerned with 'the people', then 'the people' would be listened to first and foremost and our opinions considered.
We have taken €6 billion out of our fractured economy and are going to pay over €5 billion to our overlords overseas. Even then, we will be billions upon billions behind in what we are taking in and what we are spending.
The decisions taken by middle-aged men in suits in Dublin, or Brussels, or Washington have a profound and lasting effect on the generations that follow them. I am afraid that we have been let down and let down badly in the last few years. For a decade before the bust, finding a job was not difficult for young people in Ireland. Fast forward a mere four years, and unemployment among under twenty-fives is over 25%.
Much was made of the figures on the live register showing a decrease in the last few months. Is this because jobs are being created and people are going back to work? Absolutely not. I have not seen the emigration figures, but the drop in people signing-on may lie therein.
So, where do The '85 Generation go from here? For those in work, it is not all bad news; if you are a single person with no dependents earning €26,000 a year, you will actually be slightly better off than last year. The abolition of the Income Levy, to be replaced by the Universal Social Cost (USC), means you will pay slightly less tax.
But, you aren't so lucky you're pretty much anybody else, especially if you're on the minimum wage. If you are on the Minimum Wage, you will see a drop in earnings of over €2,000 when the wage cut and the Social Welfare cuts are taken into account.
How is this possible? People who were earning €18,000 a year will now earn €16,000 a year while also paying the USC for everything over €4,000.
Remember the 10% pay cut the Public Sector took? Remember the outrage, the strikes and the negativity? Well, how should the government expect the poorest working people to react? They are being absolutely hammered in the name of borrowing money to pay off debts that were never their fault in the first place.
Thankfully the Old Age Pension was not affected this time around, and I feel that a 4% cut in Social Welfare is tough to take but necessary.
What must be taken from this budget, and not get lost in the outrage that is following, is that there will be a shadow generation in this country. They will contain the most skilled potential workforce that this country has ever assembled, but The '85 Generation have little choice but to head to their local Welfare Office or book flights out of here.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Monday, December 6, 2010
The EU/IMF '85 Generation
I'd be your fairly run-of-the-mill Irish 23 year-old in 2010.
I like travelling and intend to continue to do so until my curiosity is well and truly exhausted. Drinking as many pints as possible with my friends and chasing girls is a regular occurance. Sporting events are to be savoured, and the sport in question is not that important.
Where I am different, and this is what worries me, is how much more engaged in current affairs I am compared to the vast majority of people my age.
I am no expert on politics, economics or the banks, but knowing what is happening in Ireland at the moment should be compulsory considering the direct consequences that are down the barrel.
Of course, most people my age (let's just call us The EU/IMF 85 Generation, since we were born from roughly '85 onwards and that's the amount of billion we're borrowing) do know that Ireland “is fu***d” or “bo*****sed”, but they haven't a clue why we're “fu***d” or how we came to be “bo*****sed”.
People are more worried about what song Mary Byrne is singing on 'X Factor' than an entire generation being bound by debt repayments to our overlords in Brussels and Washington, and it's not right.
The same people that will complain that there are “no jobs” or that they are “always working” if they are lucky enough to have work will tell you that they have no idea about what is happening in the Dail or the banks. The fact that we have just borrowed a huge amount of money simply to keep the country running doesn't register.
And why is this? Because you scored someone hot last night? You're hungover? Both? We need to get real and quick.
One morning not so long from now, we're going to wake up and realise that it is us that is in charge of the country. All of the pints and hotties in the world won't prepare us for the shock we're in for.
We will have families to feed and support, stressful jobs to go into that take up our time, and do you know what? At the end of the week or month when we look over our payslips and try to piece together our budgets to keep our houses in order, we're going to look at what we're paying the state and finally cop on.
“All of that talk that everyone was going on about in 2010, maybe I should have done something instead of playing 'Call of Duty' when I had time on my hands. That is why I'm so broke and our country's services are so terrible. That is why wages are so low and social welfare is so stingy.
That is why the government can't make a decision on our economy without calling a clerk in the EU or the IMF to make sure it is okay and why I can't get a loan from the bank even though it is my money that kept them in business.”
I don't know when that day will come, but collectively, we're not ready yet. Of course, there are exceptions; talented, inspired individuals that know the road we are on and have settled in for the ride. But, digging ourselves out of this hole can't just be the responsibility of the few that have taken an interest now.
We've got to tune in and become as obsessed with reality as we are with the things that we prioritise at the moment. What do we want from life and how hard are we willing to work to get there? This recession and our national debt is not our fault but it will be our burden. How can we lessen the load?
The generations that preceded us and the ones that are already clued in are ready to fill you in when you are. In the meantime, keep cheering Mary Byrne on, even though she is out of the contest now. There's not a lot else going for us at the moment.
I like travelling and intend to continue to do so until my curiosity is well and truly exhausted. Drinking as many pints as possible with my friends and chasing girls is a regular occurance. Sporting events are to be savoured, and the sport in question is not that important.
Where I am different, and this is what worries me, is how much more engaged in current affairs I am compared to the vast majority of people my age.
I am no expert on politics, economics or the banks, but knowing what is happening in Ireland at the moment should be compulsory considering the direct consequences that are down the barrel.
Of course, most people my age (let's just call us The EU/IMF 85 Generation, since we were born from roughly '85 onwards and that's the amount of billion we're borrowing) do know that Ireland “is fu***d” or “bo*****sed”, but they haven't a clue why we're “fu***d” or how we came to be “bo*****sed”.
People are more worried about what song Mary Byrne is singing on 'X Factor' than an entire generation being bound by debt repayments to our overlords in Brussels and Washington, and it's not right.
The same people that will complain that there are “no jobs” or that they are “always working” if they are lucky enough to have work will tell you that they have no idea about what is happening in the Dail or the banks. The fact that we have just borrowed a huge amount of money simply to keep the country running doesn't register.
And why is this? Because you scored someone hot last night? You're hungover? Both? We need to get real and quick.
One morning not so long from now, we're going to wake up and realise that it is us that is in charge of the country. All of the pints and hotties in the world won't prepare us for the shock we're in for.
We will have families to feed and support, stressful jobs to go into that take up our time, and do you know what? At the end of the week or month when we look over our payslips and try to piece together our budgets to keep our houses in order, we're going to look at what we're paying the state and finally cop on.
“All of that talk that everyone was going on about in 2010, maybe I should have done something instead of playing 'Call of Duty' when I had time on my hands. That is why I'm so broke and our country's services are so terrible. That is why wages are so low and social welfare is so stingy.
That is why the government can't make a decision on our economy without calling a clerk in the EU or the IMF to make sure it is okay and why I can't get a loan from the bank even though it is my money that kept them in business.”
I don't know when that day will come, but collectively, we're not ready yet. Of course, there are exceptions; talented, inspired individuals that know the road we are on and have settled in for the ride. But, digging ourselves out of this hole can't just be the responsibility of the few that have taken an interest now.
We've got to tune in and become as obsessed with reality as we are with the things that we prioritise at the moment. What do we want from life and how hard are we willing to work to get there? This recession and our national debt is not our fault but it will be our burden. How can we lessen the load?
The generations that preceded us and the ones that are already clued in are ready to fill you in when you are. In the meantime, keep cheering Mary Byrne on, even though she is out of the contest now. There's not a lot else going for us at the moment.
General Election and Repayments
So, enough is enough and an election will happen...soon.
Fianna Fail, well Brian Cowen, is using the budget and its full passage as a reason to delay the inevitable until “early” next year. This could be as early as late January and as late as April.
It is a certainty that Fianna Fail will win fewer seats than at any time in recent history. Indeed, it seems as though some feel that their existence as a political force is damaged beyond repair for a generation. A recent poll put Fianna Fail fourth behind Sinn Fein. One forecast has Fianna Fail winning as few as 23 seats in the General Election when it finally does happen.
For what it's worth, the Green Party also seem destined for comparatively heavy losses after a term in government that can be described as turbulent at best. They too may end up going the way of party leader John Gormley's former constituency adversary and his party, although with 3% reputed support it is perhaps too early to know.
So, how about Fine Gael and the Labour Party? It would seem that the two parties are the government-in-waiting with a race between Enda Kenny and Eamon Gilmore to win more seats and take the throne being vacated by Brian Cowen.
With national support at 32%, Fine Gael would appear to be the favourites, but Eamon Gilmore is the most popular, or least unpopular, choice as next Taoiseach. Gilmore is 41% of people's preferred choice with Enda Kenny polling in the mid 20s. Brian Cowen polled a miserable 8%.
Both parties unveiled their own Budget 2011 plans on the same day and both are against Fianna Fail's plans to reduce the minimum wage by €1 per hour to €7.65. Where they do diverge is on taxation, namely in relation to a third tax rate for the highest earners. Under Labour's plans, anyone earning over €100,000 per year would be subject to a rate of 48% for earnings over that amount.
Fine Gael's former finance tsar Richard Bruton ruled out the possibility of Fine Gael going along with that rate in government with Labour. He cited that people on the highest tax rate would face 62% of their earnings over €100,000 going to the taxman when other deductions are taken into account, which Fine Gael feel would be too prohibitive.
As well as that, Fine Gael have committed to the €6 billion in adjustments that Brian Lenihan will publish in this Tuesday's budget, while Labour's plans would be for a €5 billion adjustment with €500 million being put into a jobs fund, for a net figure of €4.5 billion.
However, what the main opposition parties say at the moment won't have any real resonance until this time next year when Michael Noonan, Joan Burton or whoever else it may be gets the chance to ratify their first budget in government. This is presuming that Lenihan's budget goes through this week and FG-Lab don't decide on an Emergency Budget at some point in 2011.
Publishing plans that sound more promising than the seemingly impending doom we currently face with Fianna Fail and the Greens is fine, but FG-Lab will have the EU and the IMF to answer to. This means that Angela Merkel and Barack Obama are the ones calling the shots in this country; not Enda Kenny, Eamon Gilmore or, by some sort of political aberration, Brian Cowen.
This promised €15 billion adjustment in cuts and tax hikes is going to cause unbelievable pain and anger in this country over the next four years. We haven't even seen a budget yet and we have had 50,000 people taking to the streets to voice their discontent.
What everybody in Ireland must realise is that the €15 billion is what were are going to be suffering to recover or rein in over the next four years. All of those cuts, tax increases and public sector job losses are being made to secure the €85 billion EU/IMF bailout - which will have to be repaid over a much longer period than four years.
Every year we have to pay 5.8% of that €85 billion back, which is just over €4.9 billion in interest repayments, still leaving the €85 billion itself unpaid.
That is the equation that must be engrained in the mind. Yes, the €15 billion in cuts is going to be tough on us all, but the Irish people are going to be paying the bill on restoring the public finances and keeping the banks afloat for a long, long time to come. This is where the deepest anger must lie.
Ten years from now, where will Ireland be? What will have changed? The fact that we will still be paying off our massive national debt might be the only certainty at the moment.
We have no idea if the hundreds of thousands of job losses over the last few years will be recovered. We don't know how many people will emigrate due to the lack of prospects and the cuts in social welfare. In fact, we don't even know if there will be a Euro any more.
The most foreboding sign of this mess is that the finish line will not arrive for decades. So, if you're an angry protester, don't waste all of your anger in the coming weeks, because you're going to be protesting indefinitely.
It is a marathon, not a sprint, and that is what the people are going to have to come to terms with.
Fianna Fail, well Brian Cowen, is using the budget and its full passage as a reason to delay the inevitable until “early” next year. This could be as early as late January and as late as April.
It is a certainty that Fianna Fail will win fewer seats than at any time in recent history. Indeed, it seems as though some feel that their existence as a political force is damaged beyond repair for a generation. A recent poll put Fianna Fail fourth behind Sinn Fein. One forecast has Fianna Fail winning as few as 23 seats in the General Election when it finally does happen.
For what it's worth, the Green Party also seem destined for comparatively heavy losses after a term in government that can be described as turbulent at best. They too may end up going the way of party leader John Gormley's former constituency adversary and his party, although with 3% reputed support it is perhaps too early to know.
So, how about Fine Gael and the Labour Party? It would seem that the two parties are the government-in-waiting with a race between Enda Kenny and Eamon Gilmore to win more seats and take the throne being vacated by Brian Cowen.
With national support at 32%, Fine Gael would appear to be the favourites, but Eamon Gilmore is the most popular, or least unpopular, choice as next Taoiseach. Gilmore is 41% of people's preferred choice with Enda Kenny polling in the mid 20s. Brian Cowen polled a miserable 8%.
Both parties unveiled their own Budget 2011 plans on the same day and both are against Fianna Fail's plans to reduce the minimum wage by €1 per hour to €7.65. Where they do diverge is on taxation, namely in relation to a third tax rate for the highest earners. Under Labour's plans, anyone earning over €100,000 per year would be subject to a rate of 48% for earnings over that amount.
Fine Gael's former finance tsar Richard Bruton ruled out the possibility of Fine Gael going along with that rate in government with Labour. He cited that people on the highest tax rate would face 62% of their earnings over €100,000 going to the taxman when other deductions are taken into account, which Fine Gael feel would be too prohibitive.
As well as that, Fine Gael have committed to the €6 billion in adjustments that Brian Lenihan will publish in this Tuesday's budget, while Labour's plans would be for a €5 billion adjustment with €500 million being put into a jobs fund, for a net figure of €4.5 billion.
However, what the main opposition parties say at the moment won't have any real resonance until this time next year when Michael Noonan, Joan Burton or whoever else it may be gets the chance to ratify their first budget in government. This is presuming that Lenihan's budget goes through this week and FG-Lab don't decide on an Emergency Budget at some point in 2011.
Publishing plans that sound more promising than the seemingly impending doom we currently face with Fianna Fail and the Greens is fine, but FG-Lab will have the EU and the IMF to answer to. This means that Angela Merkel and Barack Obama are the ones calling the shots in this country; not Enda Kenny, Eamon Gilmore or, by some sort of political aberration, Brian Cowen.
This promised €15 billion adjustment in cuts and tax hikes is going to cause unbelievable pain and anger in this country over the next four years. We haven't even seen a budget yet and we have had 50,000 people taking to the streets to voice their discontent.
What everybody in Ireland must realise is that the €15 billion is what were are going to be suffering to recover or rein in over the next four years. All of those cuts, tax increases and public sector job losses are being made to secure the €85 billion EU/IMF bailout - which will have to be repaid over a much longer period than four years.
Every year we have to pay 5.8% of that €85 billion back, which is just over €4.9 billion in interest repayments, still leaving the €85 billion itself unpaid.
That is the equation that must be engrained in the mind. Yes, the €15 billion in cuts is going to be tough on us all, but the Irish people are going to be paying the bill on restoring the public finances and keeping the banks afloat for a long, long time to come. This is where the deepest anger must lie.
Ten years from now, where will Ireland be? What will have changed? The fact that we will still be paying off our massive national debt might be the only certainty at the moment.
We have no idea if the hundreds of thousands of job losses over the last few years will be recovered. We don't know how many people will emigrate due to the lack of prospects and the cuts in social welfare. In fact, we don't even know if there will be a Euro any more.
The most foreboding sign of this mess is that the finish line will not arrive for decades. So, if you're an angry protester, don't waste all of your anger in the coming weeks, because you're going to be protesting indefinitely.
It is a marathon, not a sprint, and that is what the people are going to have to come to terms with.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Two votes out of Twenty-two. Why?
Maybe it's bias, but why on earth were England not awarded the FIFA World Cup 2018?
This is a country with possibly the richest football tradition on the planet, terrific infrastructure, transport links and a prime location relative to other countries that would travel to watch games.
The stadia are state-of-the-art and the people of the capital city, London, will have experience of hosting a massive global sporting event when the Olympics come calling in 2012. Also, English football fans have a style and a charisma that they can call their own, with singing, chanting and banter playing a huge part in adding to the atmosphere at matches.
Granted, they have held the honour of hosting the World Cup before, but by 2018 nobody under the age of fifty-five will remember '66 and football has immeasurably changed since then. Euro '96 was the last footballing event to be held there and it was a great success with average attendances of over 40,000 per game.
The English bid seemed to have everything going for it. David Cameron, Prince William and David Beckham provided the promises and the profile that no other bidding nation could.
Yet, in the first round of voting, England were eliminated with just two votes out of twenty-two. Why?
Could it possibly be that the men (I don't recall seeing any women in charge of votes) in control of the votes were so angered by The Sunday Times' and the BBC Panorama programme's investigations into corruption that England's bid was blacklisted?
Their reasoning could be put down to the sensationalistic nature of Britain's tabloid media, but that excuse is flimsy at best.
Yes, the tabloids are ruthless and can be damaging, but even they know that hosting the World Cup would have been a massive achievement and a huge event for the entire country.
What The Sunday Times revealed is that some of the people in charge of votes were open to giving up their vote in the name of financial gain and what Panorama exposed is that some of the other people with the same authority have taken payments in the past.
Where does that leave this vote and the goodwill in which it was done? Was Russia truly the correct venue to choose over England, or over Portugal and Spain?
Maybe it was, and maybe 2018 will be the greatest World Cup of all time, but this vote has left a bad taste in the mouth and sullies all of the hard work that was put into the bidding process by England, Russia, Spain/Portugal and Belgium/Holland.
As an Irishman, why would I want the English to host the World Cup? Simples; cheap travel across the Irish Sea to see history and the possibility of some superstars visiting Ireland to train.
But alas, my preference only received less than a tenth of the vote.
Now, do Ryanair fly to Moscow? I'd best apply for my visa now!
This is a country with possibly the richest football tradition on the planet, terrific infrastructure, transport links and a prime location relative to other countries that would travel to watch games.
The stadia are state-of-the-art and the people of the capital city, London, will have experience of hosting a massive global sporting event when the Olympics come calling in 2012. Also, English football fans have a style and a charisma that they can call their own, with singing, chanting and banter playing a huge part in adding to the atmosphere at matches.
Granted, they have held the honour of hosting the World Cup before, but by 2018 nobody under the age of fifty-five will remember '66 and football has immeasurably changed since then. Euro '96 was the last footballing event to be held there and it was a great success with average attendances of over 40,000 per game.
The English bid seemed to have everything going for it. David Cameron, Prince William and David Beckham provided the promises and the profile that no other bidding nation could.
Yet, in the first round of voting, England were eliminated with just two votes out of twenty-two. Why?
Could it possibly be that the men (I don't recall seeing any women in charge of votes) in control of the votes were so angered by The Sunday Times' and the BBC Panorama programme's investigations into corruption that England's bid was blacklisted?
Their reasoning could be put down to the sensationalistic nature of Britain's tabloid media, but that excuse is flimsy at best.
Yes, the tabloids are ruthless and can be damaging, but even they know that hosting the World Cup would have been a massive achievement and a huge event for the entire country.
What The Sunday Times revealed is that some of the people in charge of votes were open to giving up their vote in the name of financial gain and what Panorama exposed is that some of the other people with the same authority have taken payments in the past.
Where does that leave this vote and the goodwill in which it was done? Was Russia truly the correct venue to choose over England, or over Portugal and Spain?
Maybe it was, and maybe 2018 will be the greatest World Cup of all time, but this vote has left a bad taste in the mouth and sullies all of the hard work that was put into the bidding process by England, Russia, Spain/Portugal and Belgium/Holland.
As an Irishman, why would I want the English to host the World Cup? Simples; cheap travel across the Irish Sea to see history and the possibility of some superstars visiting Ireland to train.
But alas, my preference only received less than a tenth of the vote.
Now, do Ryanair fly to Moscow? I'd best apply for my visa now!
What if Bono stormed Fianna Fail?
It may seem as if the immediate to medium-term future for Fianna Fail is consigned to being in opposition. The size and grandeur of the party could be a mere shadow of its former self. However, there is one foolproof ace in the hole that would ensure certain electoral success.
Envisage this; Bono decides to enter himself into public life. The U2 frontman and spokesperson for global poverty and AIDS decides to run for the seat vacated by George Lee. Just think; it would be George Lee times a thousand.
We’re a fickle bunch, us Irish that’s for sure. But, could the South Dublin constituency resist surrendering their number one preference to him? After all, it would be for the man that brought us “With or Without You”, “All I Want Is You” and middle-aged men wearing large fluorescent-coloured sunglasses indoors.
Of course, being Bono (the most famous man to come out of Ireland ever, ever, ever) nothing but the top job would suffice. This is where Fianna Fail, namely Brian Cowen, will have to bite the bullet, and let their metaphorically massive egos bow down to the mother of all egos, and offer Bono the leadership.
If George Lee’s surreal by-election win from last year is anything to go by, Bono will wipe the floor with his intellectually (and soon-to-be politically) inferior adversaries. Alex White of the Labour Party might win a few pity votes for nobly trying again, but he will ultimately be washed away on the giant wave of enthusiasm that would be Bonomania.
Forget the economy, the banks, the IMF, the state of the healthcare service, that very brand could reinvent Irish politics forever – “Fianna Fail Presents: Bonomania 2010”.
Of course, there will be the obvious naysayers that will dust off the old, worn-out ‘all style, no substance’ nonsense, well good luck to you. How is this for (stylishly) substantial –
Bono is at the Fianna Fail Ard Fheis, alone on the stage, the keynote speaker. The room is completely dark except for a lone spotlight on the man himself, strumming slowly and beautifully on an old acoustic guitar, singing about “righting life’s wrongs” and “turning debts into songs”.
Once he is installed, and Cowen gracefully waddles off his throne, Bono can begin to keep us massively motivated with his Churchillian speeches. We may be entering into a generation of constant debt, but we will smile on the beaches, we will smile in the fields and we will smile when we see our bank accounts, regardless of the figure.
Once General Election time finally comes, Bono will ensure victory by refusing to debate with the less famous, less charismatic and less urbane Enda Kenny. With every justification, he will simply perform two speeches in Croke Park, followed by one each at Punchestown Race Course and Thomond Park for the boggers.
For those that cannot make it to these highly sought-after performances, the gigs will be sold on Sky Box Office for €49.95 each. These four nights work by Bono alone will subsequently pay for the Fianna Fail party for years to come.
This wondrous dream could all become a euphoric reality. All Brian Cowen has to do is grab the phone and shlap in Bono’s number.
Of course, with the surreal happenings of our country recently, the people may vote The Pogues into government off the goodwill from listening to 'Fairytale of New York' over Christmas. However, that would require keeping Shane MacGowen sober long enough to start up his own party. Surreal country? Yes. Downright bizarre? Not quite yet.
Envisage this; Bono decides to enter himself into public life. The U2 frontman and spokesperson for global poverty and AIDS decides to run for the seat vacated by George Lee. Just think; it would be George Lee times a thousand.
We’re a fickle bunch, us Irish that’s for sure. But, could the South Dublin constituency resist surrendering their number one preference to him? After all, it would be for the man that brought us “With or Without You”, “All I Want Is You” and middle-aged men wearing large fluorescent-coloured sunglasses indoors.
Of course, being Bono (the most famous man to come out of Ireland ever, ever, ever) nothing but the top job would suffice. This is where Fianna Fail, namely Brian Cowen, will have to bite the bullet, and let their metaphorically massive egos bow down to the mother of all egos, and offer Bono the leadership.
If George Lee’s surreal by-election win from last year is anything to go by, Bono will wipe the floor with his intellectually (and soon-to-be politically) inferior adversaries. Alex White of the Labour Party might win a few pity votes for nobly trying again, but he will ultimately be washed away on the giant wave of enthusiasm that would be Bonomania.
Forget the economy, the banks, the IMF, the state of the healthcare service, that very brand could reinvent Irish politics forever – “Fianna Fail Presents: Bonomania 2010”.
Of course, there will be the obvious naysayers that will dust off the old, worn-out ‘all style, no substance’ nonsense, well good luck to you. How is this for (stylishly) substantial –
Bono is at the Fianna Fail Ard Fheis, alone on the stage, the keynote speaker. The room is completely dark except for a lone spotlight on the man himself, strumming slowly and beautifully on an old acoustic guitar, singing about “righting life’s wrongs” and “turning debts into songs”.
Once he is installed, and Cowen gracefully waddles off his throne, Bono can begin to keep us massively motivated with his Churchillian speeches. We may be entering into a generation of constant debt, but we will smile on the beaches, we will smile in the fields and we will smile when we see our bank accounts, regardless of the figure.
Once General Election time finally comes, Bono will ensure victory by refusing to debate with the less famous, less charismatic and less urbane Enda Kenny. With every justification, he will simply perform two speeches in Croke Park, followed by one each at Punchestown Race Course and Thomond Park for the boggers.
For those that cannot make it to these highly sought-after performances, the gigs will be sold on Sky Box Office for €49.95 each. These four nights work by Bono alone will subsequently pay for the Fianna Fail party for years to come.
This wondrous dream could all become a euphoric reality. All Brian Cowen has to do is grab the phone and shlap in Bono’s number.
Of course, with the surreal happenings of our country recently, the people may vote The Pogues into government off the goodwill from listening to 'Fairytale of New York' over Christmas. However, that would require keeping Shane MacGowen sober long enough to start up his own party. Surreal country? Yes. Downright bizarre? Not quite yet.
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